but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she smelled like a LAN party
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
