yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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