I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
