We named our party play list daddy issues
Its about making memories worth repressing
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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