i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
