This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
