I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
