So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
