I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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