Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
