I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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