So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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