Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
