I skipped work to stalk him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
