Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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