Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
