he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
