he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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