I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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