He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
