i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
