Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
