I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
