I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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