nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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