Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
