am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
