Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
