Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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