The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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