imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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