Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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