VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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