it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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