I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
