I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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