He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
