They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
