So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You can't special order awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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