Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
