When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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