what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
