so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
