apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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