you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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