call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Farmville is her only friend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
