Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
