Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
