but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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