he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
