Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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