I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
