you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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