can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
