First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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