what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
