Can Purell be used as lube?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
