You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
