So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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