i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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