So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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