Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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