When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
