In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
