Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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