today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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