Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
