He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
