Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
not ubering you a puppy
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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