She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
