i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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