I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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