i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
