Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
