look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
