He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
