Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
