I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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