____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
