He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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