Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I want is dick and wine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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